hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
