You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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