I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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