If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
