But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
