she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
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