I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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