you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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