Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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