Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
