I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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