i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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