ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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