I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I lost the right to judge tonight
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Randomize
