I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
