before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
