This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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