somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
