Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
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