Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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