she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize