in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
He? As in you personified your dick?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
