Nicole vs. Life
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
