Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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