Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
