So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
