please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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