Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
