I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Randomize
