you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
My penis needs a shock collar
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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