is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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