I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
