Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
