remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
