Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
my being single is dangerous.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
sick fucks of a feather flock together
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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