hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
