Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize