The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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