we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
