I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
