normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize