I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
