I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
