You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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