xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
