I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
