wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
