nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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