just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
The power of my boobs compel you
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
