? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
People in love make me want to vomit
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
