I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
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