we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
