i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
