I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I don't deserve a penis
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
