some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
