i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
