I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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