Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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