It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
