People in love make me want to vomit
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
