She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
My breasts were aching with rage.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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