Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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