Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
