Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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