Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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