JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I think i got beer on your cat.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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