one might say we're banned from that church
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
