Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
