don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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