Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
