So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
