Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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