There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
