Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize