Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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