someone get that fucking seahorse.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
