He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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