What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
be right there i have to get my cape
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
