I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
