is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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