I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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