his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
