I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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