I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
