the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
