yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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