just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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