I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
