we're chasing vodka with high fives
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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