sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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