If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Drunk is not a location!
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
