My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
