she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
