so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I supernannyed him into submission
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
