The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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