i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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