Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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