My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
