I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize