I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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