giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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