You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
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