Umm I'm too high to move.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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