my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Randomize
