Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
